Passive Aggression – Why?

I’ve been thinking a lot about passive aggression lately.

John Binger Silly Face

Urban dictionary definition #2 (which fits my purpose) states,

act of doing something specifically to piss someone off, but with the cover of “I didn’t realize it would bother you”.
My roommate was talking shit on me, so when she was trying to study I blasted my music as loud as I could. I was being passive aggressive.
World English Dictionary defines it as,
psychoanal of or relating to a personality
that harbours aggressive emotions while
behaving in a calm or detached manner.

72 hours contestant - Hurricane RitaI wrote about the rat of anger that can eat you alive while you sit still holding a grudge, feeding it with your flesh and soul two winters ago during my Wwoofing experience with John in Hana.

I don’t understand the concept of passive aggression at this point in my life. It startles me most times I witness it.

Why do something specifically to anger somebody else, or harbor aggressive emotions while behaving in a detached manner?

Why try to hurt someone…while at the same time hurting yourself with the poison of aggression?

I don’t understand the concept of saying things you don’t truly mean specifically to cause  someone pain.

Tomorrow’s not guaranteed is a pretty simple concept.

You might die today.

They might die today.

Any person you’ve loved could be gone when you wake up.

Every single time you part ways, you may never see each other again.

The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

~Mitch Albom
Tuesdays with Morrie

So, say what you mean.

Learn to live with love.

Without hate. Without anger. Without mean words to hide true feelings.

You don’t need to almost die 13 times or even once to embrace this.

When you find yourself beginning to feel that poison course through your veins, hesitate just a moment and focus on72 Hours Rita Peaceful from where inside you it has risen.

Why didn’t you let it slide past you without a second glance?

What nerve did it hit?

Make some genuine eye contact and explain to whomever, exactly what’s happening, or tuck away the self introspection for another moment (if you’re not completely comfortable yet), and simply smile. Laugh at yourself for considering the poison.

I explained this concept to my mother in January while “walking” the rail trail when I recognized the poison rise within me because of a joke she’d lightheartedly made.

I didn’t want to get upset. So I chose not to.

I laughed at myself instead.

I explained that it was a change within me that caused me to get irritated. I had a moment of self consciousness that would have never risen pre-parasite, but in my moment of self consciousness, the joke on my hobble or memory or whatever it was, became less a joke and more an insult.

My mother had done nothing incorrect. I had simply become a little sensitive in the moment.

We all do it, but we don’t all admit it.

I saw a sign somewhere a few months ago about how to successfully build a sustainable community. It was quite positive. There were like 300 different suggestions.

The one that struck me and stayed with me the most?

Fix it. Even if you didn’t break it.

This concept can be applied to so many facets of life. If you want it to be a certain way, make it that way. Who cares whose fault you think it is?

Stop assigning faults.

Stop waiting for someone else to act while bitching that it isn’t how you like it.

This reflects back on my other favorite saying:

Take 10% of the energy you’re using to complain to fix the problem.

Kayaking Lutak Inlet

Stop harboring hateful feelings.

Search within.

Find the warmth that does exist.

Embrace it.

And smile.

Tomorrow’s not guaranteed.

Don’t waste today harboring hateful poisons, when you could grab the day by the…

Well, you could simply enjoy it!

 

 

 

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4 Responses to Passive Aggression – Why?

  1. Don Poling May 24, 2013 at 2:47 PM #

    Passive aggressive behavior is often used to resist authority. During slavery times the slaves would sing things that would invite the lash if spoken out loud. They’d be singing “Follow the drinking gourd” which gave directions for where to go (North) when escaping & the master would either be unaware of the meaning or could just pretend to ignore it.

    • Hurricane Rita May 28, 2013 at 8:31 PM #

      I remember learning about coded songs in middle school and high school. I even caught myself singing a little coded song during my survival school a few years ago. I was encouraging a guy to pull his end of the weight. Funny. I could have told him directly, but the song was fun. 🙂

  2. dennis philbin July 14, 2013 at 7:06 AM #

    I got hip to this today, very cool.

    • Hurricane Rita July 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM #

      Awesome! I’m stoked you found it!!! 😀

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