It would be a bold faced lie if I said I felt the same as I did in September of 2012; that the Hurricane was back full force and shrugged off 3+ weeks of paralysis aside of a 6 week stay in the hospital. The truth is, I haven’t had a single day sans RIDICULOUS pain since October.
Not a single one.
Not even half of one.
Not a quarter.
Not an eighth.
That’s why today is day five of my complete rejection of Oxycodone.
Today marks the fifth consecutive day in six months that I’ve not ingested narcotics in order to stumble painfully through the day.
Why take a narcotic pain killer if you’re still in excruciating pain daily no matter what?
I’m a far cry from the woman who scoffed at NSAIDS her entire life.
Just for the record……
This is a list of the advertised Oxycodone withdrawal symptoms (let me know if you find more)…
In BOLD CAPITAL letters you’ll see the symptoms I’m experiencing…
In bold lowercase letters you’ll see the post-parasite symptoms I experience all the time and can’t necessarily be attributed to Oxycodone withdrawal:
I sat up yesterday morning and after hobbling down the stairs complained, through tears, that my entire life is pain. Emotional, physical… That’s NOT normal.
I miss my sweet father’s laugh… That’s normal.
I’ve been sneezing and sniffly…. That’s NOT normal.
Every part of my body aches… That’s normal.
I’m a way over vigilant, extra scared, backseat driver… That’s NOT normal (although I have bouts with the IED and the 2 gnarly car accidents I’ve experienced this is much more intense).
My legs begin to spasm as soon as I sit down to relax in the evening… That’s normal (although they have been jumping a WHOLE LOT MORE since I stopped the Oxy).
Yesterday I ate a homemade gluten free heavenly muffin before and two strips of dried fruit after yoga. That was it for the entire day. I didn’t realize I was hungry until after 10:30PM, when John offered me a potato with a smoked salmon dip and smoked cheddar. That’s a loss of appetite for sure.
That is DEFINITELY NOT normal.
The diarrhea is almost welcomed, as a serious side effect of Oxycodone is constipation, but to be honest, after I defecate, my lower abdomen generally feels like I lost a serious bar fight.
So yeah, there are my symptoms.
Now, since I decided I wanted no more Oxycodone in my life (Saturday) I taught a Zumba class at Annville Fitness Center, a Masala Bhangra Class at XFitt Combatives in Lebanon, hiked around the Quittie, hiked around Chickies Rock, visited my brother Chipper in York (arrived at 4:20PM on 4/20 hehehehe), did yoga 2Xs a day 4 of the 5 days, played hard with my pups each day, visited the bald eagles’ nest 3Xs (to feel connected to Alaska), walked around Root’s Market for a few hours yesterday, and strummed poorly at the guitar for a few hours as well (Johnny McAlwaysSupportive did most of these things by my side except the strumming…he gardened).
I’m happy, but damn I’m hurting.
Since the parasite, the sensations in my body have simply changed. At one point, when the nerves decide to stop being angry, maybe they’ll shift back, but at the moment, they are completely different.
Have you ever stopped to notice how the tips of your toes feel when you put on your socks?
I don’t have a choice anymore. It’s nearly unbearable for my toes to brush the fabric.
But…when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t even bring my hands close enough to my feet to put on socks…
So, there’s a win.
Those of you who’ve known me in the last few years know I live to be barefoot. The feeling of soft, sweet soil between my toes is enchanting; it grounds me, brings me present. I yearn to shed my shoes and socks often.
I realized recently that the chilly morning dew on the grass that once felt like a refreshing celebration of existence now feels like daggers on the soles of my feet, even if the sun is shining its loving warmth and the rest of my body wants to celebrate.
But…once the grass dries and becomes warm, it’s heavenly…and I CAN FEEL the soothing energy of the earth on my soles and soul.
So, there’s another win.
My legs feel like mile 40 of 50…perpetually. There’s rarely relief.
But…I can run at mile 40 of 50. I’ve seen that pain before. It was different but the same in a way.
Yet another win.
So, no…I’m not exactly the same as I was 6 months ago, but who would want to be the same person they were in the past when there’s growth to be had?
I wasn’t juicing 1-2Xs a day 6 months ago.
I wasn’t doing yoga 1-2Xs a day 6 months ago.
I wasn’t babying close to 50 starts for our garden 6 months ago.
Win. Win. Win.
The weather has changed, but only slightly, as the brute force of the Hurricane’s passion remains in tact.
Speaking of passion, my first 5K is coming in a week and a half! I’m going to run the Dirty Girl Mud Run!!!! (Check it out!) It’s an untimed obstacle course 5K that is women only! How freakin’ awesome! I’m doing it with some of the coolest chicks PA has to offer! (Stay tuned for pictures)
Who knows, maybe I will be seeing my friends at the Ft. Clinch 100 next year! 🙂
So the bottom line is this:
I’m off Oxycodone.
I’m in pain.
I’m experiencing some Oxycodone withdrawal symptoms, but not the worst of them.
I love life. I’m still loving movement.
And you should expect a new and improved Hurricane to hit your city, soon!